CRAYONSnCAFFEINE

Veterans & First Responders United

"SERVICE NEVER STOPS, NEITHER SHOULD SUPPORT"
⚠️ REALITY CHECK ⚠️
This website is a constant work in progress, built by ONE person who's caffeinated but not a web developer. Expect things to be slow, ugly, and occasionally broken. I'm learning as I go, fixing stuff with duct tape and spite.

No apologies. This is what "bootstrap startup" actually looks like - messy, imperfect, and powered by pure stubbornness. If you want polished corporate BS,


"Embrace the suck, adapt and overcome, and remember - even Shmuckatelli could probably code better than this."
🪖
Military
🚔
Police
🚒
Fire
🚑
EMS
🎯 SUPPORT THE MISSION 🎯

Help us build something that matters.

BOOTSTRAP REALITY CHECK:

  • One person building this entire operation
  • Learning web development while caffeinated
  • Every dollar goes toward making this thing actually work
  • No fancy investors, just pure military-grade stubbornness

Your support helps us create gear that doesn't suck and programs that actually help veterans and first responders transition to civilian life.

💙 DONATE VIA PAYPAL 💙 VENMO 💚 CASH APP
Every dollar helps build something bigger than just a t‑shirt company.
We're a **veteran‑owned** business on a mission: to help vets and first responders successfully transition back into civilian life.
Your support brings purpose, community, and real opportunity.
15% OF EVERY SALE
Supporting Veterans & First Responders Returning to Civilian Life
Every purchase directly funds programs that help our heroes navigate civilian careers. We're building bridges between service and civilian success, one sale at a time.
Because your service shouldn't end when your uniform comes off.

BOOTSTRAP STARTUP STATUS:

One person, lots of caffeine, and the stubbornness of a Marine who refuses to quit. We're building this thing from the ground up - no fancy investors, no corporate BS, just pure determination and military-grade spite.

GET NOTIFIED WHEN WE LAUNCH!
Be the first to know when our gear drops. No spam, just the good stuff.

👕 T-Shirts & Hoodies

Premium comfort meets military humor. From "Crayon Connoisseur" tees to "Caffeine Dependent" hoodies - wear your service with pride and a sense of humor. Even Shmuckatelli would look good in these.

DESIGNS IN PROGRESS
$18 - $45 (estimated)
🎨 DESIGNS IN PROGRESS 🎨
Shmuckatelli-tested for maximum comfort

🩳 Shorts & Sweatpants

PT gear that doesn't suck. Comfortable shorts for those morning runs and sweatpants for when you're done pretending to be motivated.

FABRIC TESTING
$20 - $40 (estimated)
🏃‍♂️ COMFORT TESTING 🏃‍♂️
Making sure they're PT test approved

🧢 Beanies

Keep your head warm while keeping your cool. Perfect for those early morning formations or just looking tactical at the grocery store.

KNITTING INTENSIFIES
$20 - $25 (estimated)
🧶 KNITTING INTENSIFIES 🧶
Warmth and style incoming

🏃‍♂️ PT Gear Collection

Workout gear that actually works out. Moisture-wicking shirts, performance shorts, and gear that won't fall apart during your first set of burpees.

SWEAT TESTING
$25 - $50 (estimated)
💪 SWEAT TESTING 💪
Making sure it survives PT

🏷️ Morale Patches

Velcro patches for when you want to express your personality without getting counseled. From "Powered by Spite" to "Shmuckatelli's Favorite" to "Professional Disappointment."

PATCH PERFECTION
$8 - $15 (estimated)
🎯 PATCH PERFECTION 🎯
Shmuckatelli-approved attitude adjusters

☕ Mugs & Stickers

Coffee mugs that hold your life together and stickers to mark your territory. Because caffeine is a lifestyle and stickers make everything better.

CAFFEINE CALIBRATION
$12 - $20 (estimated)
☕ CAFFEINE CALIBRATION ☕
Perfect mug-to-coffee ratios